Alex Jones Wordsmith

Or, The Modern Homer: An Info Warrior Across the Third Dimension

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Introduction

Now I’ve been here 22 years. I don’t get into Aliens, metaphysical, religion, any of that. Now I’ve studied the elite and I’ve also communicated with a lot the top people, and if you want to know, i will actually break down right now, the best knowledge of what’s happening on the planet. ~Alex Jones

So for the past several months I’ve been low level obsessed with The Alex Jones Prison Planet Metal Project and it’s three albums: Crush the Parasites

Super Heavy Galactic Stuff

and Cursed to Hell

Briefly summarized the artist took some of Jones more... colourful rants and sampled them to make truly brutal metal. Metal so brutal in fact that it is hard to think of another band that could match the project in terms of raw lyrical force.

That Alex Jones inspired this type of third party effort is not unusual. A quick survey of YouTube will reveal remixes, dubs, mashups and “best of” compilations with millions of views and and comments praising Jones as “one of a kind” and a “national treasure”.

What I will argue in this piece is that Alex Jones is not “one of a kind” but is in fact one of a very old kind, namely that Alex Jones and his INFOWars is the latest iteration of one of the oldest art forms in western civilization: Epic Poetry. Through comparison with classical epic Poems and Poets such as The Epic of Gilgamesh, Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey, Virgil’s Aeneid, Dante’s Divine Comedy, Spencer’s Faerie Queen, and Milton’s Paradise Lost, I will show how Jones’s INFOWars matches their achievement and at once takes the genre of epic poetry back to its roots by reintroducing the genre into the oral tradition, and as a popular medium, while also redefining the genre through new conventions. As Dante took epic poetry out of the realm of third person, physical reality and centred his Divine Comedy on his first person spiritual journey so does Jones redefine the genre by centering it on a second person quest for truth, virtue, and political as well a spiritual liberation.

I’m here! I’m alive! My heart’s big. It’s got hot blood flowing through it fast. I got a life force! This is a human! This is what we look like. This is what we act like. This is what everybody was like before us. This is what I am: I’m a throwback. I’m a pioneer. I’m an explorer. I’ve got the fire of human liberty. I’m setting fires everywhere, and humans are turning on everywhere.

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Epic Poetry

In A Handbook to Literature Harmon and Holman lay out ten of the main characteristics of the epic:

1. It Starts in medias res

2. Vast setting: containing many nations, the whole world or even the universe

3. An invocation to the muses or other supernatural benefactor

4. Opens with a statement of the theme

5. The use of epithets (the classical literary technique not slurs and insults)

6. The use of epic catalogues ie. long lists

7. The Featuring of Extended Speeches

8,. Reveals divine intervention in human affairs

9. Heroes that embody the values and character of a people, nation or civilization

10. The decent of a tragic or flawed hero into hell or a underworld

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1. In Medias Res

Every episode of Infowars starts and progresses in the present moment, you may go through the back catalogue and some episodes might be dated but, even more so than the nightly news, Jones’ format insists on the immediacy of his work and the orientation of himself in the present relative to mysterious past and an uncertain future. This is pure epic poetry, indeed this is pure Homer.

In both the Iliad and the Odyssey Homer establishes a “present timeline” Odysseus travelling from Calypso’s island to the Phaeacians and back to Ithaca, or Achilles falling out with Agamemnon, sulking in his tent, losing Patroclus, and then the rage, and then progresses that timeline at a snails pace while revealing the backstory through asides and stories being told. Almost all of the actual travels of Odysseus (ie. what most people think of as the Odyssey) is told in 4 books ( out of 24) by Odysseus at a sequence of Dinner parties with the Phaeacians, the actual time with the Phaeacians last close to 8books . This a) allows for the unreliable narrator aspect of Odysseus (a common interpretation being that his adventures are metaphors for war crimes he committed) and b) keeps the “present timeline” remarkably everyday, Odysseus’s or Achille’s day to day in the “present timeline” remarkably resembles anyone’s day to day, you meet new people, you have a dinner party, you travel... you have a fight with your boss, you make a scene, you refuse to work anymore, your friends try to persuade you otherwise... its has a very real time quality, this making the violence that occurs in the “present timeline” horrifying, you spend maybe 8 books learning about the Ithacans at Odysseus’s home and then they’re massacred in 3pages. You spend 21 books with Achilles and then he utterly destroys Hector and all his dignity.

Jones exploits this conception of time beautifully, with his shows progressing through the real time emotional ups and down of Jones as the main action, while Jones slowly unveils the unheard histories of a past poorly sanitized and blasphemous monstrosities our elite plan to unleash in undreamed futures all too near, then like Homer he can break this dichotomy between the seen and heard, between the present timeline and the third person speculation with stories ripped from the headlines, things you remember unfolding and felt off about or that have indeed just happened creating that same invasion of history and fantasy into reality that Homer mastered.

Note how different this is from almost every other commentator on politics, even when a presidential debate has just occurred minutes ago the commentators on CNN or elsewhere will (traditionally) immediately reach for an authoritative third person voice with (atleast the veneer of) an intellectual and emotional distance. They might say: “A risky move, the American people haven’t traditionally shown much voting intention around gun control” and indeed even Jones’ nominal colleagues in angry right-wing talk radio will say something nominally historical and authoritative and work that third person voice of authority, for example Rush Limbaugh said “CBS also found support for gun control is waning... you know what they found... as gun control is talked about less so is support for it [less]. And that’s why Obama is out their talking about it.” Now compare an Alex Jones moment: “Hitler took the guns. Stalin took the guns. Mao took the guns. Castro took the guns. Chavez took the guns. And I’m here to tell you: 1776 will commence again if you try to take our firearms. It doesn’t matter how many lemmings you get out there on the the street begging for it: to have their guns taken. We will not relinquish them. Do you understand?”

Now Jones had this classic moment in an actual interview with an actual “you” sitting across from him. But can you tell? Jones’ rants, pretty much uniquely, always lean hard into the emotive second person, placing himself in the position of an actor within a timeline complete with a present in which things can happen, a past in which things have happened and a future to be speculated about. This is radically different from the third person abstract most every other political commentator aims for, and the audience can feel that. When someone listen to a Rush Limbaugh segment for the first time its like listening to your grumpy redneck uncle’s version of a newscaster, when people listen to an Alex Jones segment for the first time they get physically uncomfortable, like sitting for live theatre after years of television, there is a distance that is removed when Jones rants in the second person, and that is the same distance Homer exploits by telling of both past events and progressing a “present timeline” in medias res.

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2. vast settings

we can take as a given: Jones covers global events, which naturally leads to cover how that interacts with earths inter-dimensional and intergalactic enemies and interlopers, but beyond that Jones regularly takes his work to the universal and metaphysical covering demonic forces that are intervening with designs for humanity, and have been intervening since the dawn of the universe, further Jones explores the “plans” these demonic and alien forces have for humanity and the horrifying fate they have designed for an eternity of enslavement. The AJPP track Image of the Beast (Erased Forever) revealing just how totally Jones vision captures the entire past, present and multiple possible futures for humanity. Put simply when Jones describes his subject matter as “Super Heavy Galactic Stuff” he’s making an understatement.

3. The invocation to the muses

This is likewise obvious: Jones is a Christian and he invokes God’s assistance regularly, but interesting Jones also invokes the American people, “decent folk” and (a personal favourite) “Red Blooded Humans” in much the same manner. This is understandable since in a modern mass democracy abstracted demographics and identity groups can have, and are attributed, causal force equivalent to that of ancient gods. But notably Jones does not go the identity politics direction and instead invokes classic unifying identities: “and Red Blooded Humans, I don’t care what colour they are, will Never be Your Slaves” , “this is war! its the American People against you [the globalists]” in an America increasingly divided along such lines these invocations of unity and a almost forgotten idea of a United post-racial American identity, shows Jones’ effect of invoking these ideas and personifications as a rhetorical effect, equivalent to more conventional invocations.

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4. opening with a statement of theme

This is more edge, indeed to say the text of InfoWars opens at all is difficult. After-all its meant to be consumed piecemeal and only the most hardcore followers will have ever seen the initial episodes, which is why its significant that most everyone who gets into InfoWars will do so via one of Jones’ insane, out of control, rants. These rants, despite their fame, whether on Rogan or elsewhere, are not representative of a random hour or so of InfoWars, which may have extended interviews of some friend of the show, on the ground segments, ect. rather when you watch the Joe Rogan interview or a selected rant that went viral you get a representative vertical slice of Jones: the crazy backstories, the enraged outbursts, the more down to earth political elements, the conspiracies that historically happened and you’ll remember( the Tuskegee syphilis experiments, MKULTRA, the latest right wing outrage), the insane inter-dimensional conspiracies, and the calls to human unity and liberation from the globalist-satanic-interdimesional-alien-mind control cults. These opening statement both has the call to personal research (“i think that syphilis thing actually happened; lets check”) , and the revelation of the theme (evil cabal attacking humanity and controlling your thoughts) as well as the promise of what you can expect if you’re willing to sit through the more boring Jones moments. Exactly how opening recitations function in classical epic poetry.

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5. The Use Of Epithets

This is fun in that Jones uses epithets in both senses his classical descriptions and easy place holder names more often than not are modern epithets! (Ie. insults) “Chicken Necked Nellies”, “Effeminate Cowards”, “Simpering Control Freaks” “Satanists”, “Red Blooded Humans”, “The ProtoMatrix”, “Scum/Rats/Maggots (in any order you like)” “Diabolical Filth”, “The Redcoats”, “The Beast”, “Desperate Hillary”, “Psychic Vampires”, “Blood Suckers”, “the fire of human Liberty”, “ a Guild Bound by Hatred of Humanity”, “Anti-human Control Freaks” “friendly little guys( reference to little green men)” and of course “The Conditioning”, “The Elite” and “The Globalists” in many variants.

Indeed it isn’t clear that the sci-fi element of Jones isn’t one giant extended epithet: “we are on an occupied planet. I’m not saying its alien. Im not saying its inter-dimensional. I’m not saying that. your saying that. the point is it doesn’t matter, its the same thing: they want to abort planet earth, they want to play god, they want everything ugly, they want to mutate every species. They might as well be , you know, whatever from the ninth dimension because they’re that antihuman”. Which indeed, If the entire alien extra-dimensional element of Jones is metaphorical then Jones has achieved something on par with Homer’s supernatural elements in the Odyssey or Dante’s progression through the Inferno, in that he has created a metaphor which outshines its underlying theme (Odysseus’ war struggles, Dante’s spiritual Journey).

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6. The Epic Catalogue

This is interesting in that while classical poetry obviously draws attention to such lavish lists such as that of the arms and plunder of Homer, the Angels and Devils of Milton, The suffering souls of Dante, or the courtly progressions of Spencer, Jones’ chosen format (a talk show) naturally obscures this element.

Segments can’t just stop for a description and rants have to have a flow, furthermore, if we were being coy we could simply describe the news itself as such a list and thus Jones’ use of such catalogues is nothing of note. But take a look at the classic example of an epic catalogue Homer’s lavish description of the Shield of Achilles, and now listen to Alex Jones’ description of the singularity/armageddon of the satanic AI that will erase you and only upload your data to matrix for its own nefarious uses in the AJPP track Image of the Beast (Erased Forever)

Alex Jones just employed an epic catalogue! and indeed he uses another rhetorical technique shockingly similar to the one Homer used in his description of the shield of Achilles. Homer describes a impossibly engraved shield with dual engravings of cities in trade and peace and then sacked in war, a lavish description of pastoral bounty, and then bloody hunts, til finally frolicking loving youth in the high of life and then tragic accident. Here Homer is highlighting Achilles tragic choice of whether to sail away and live in peace or to stay at troy in tragedy (whose outcome we know is the later) with each lavish description: the peaceful city brought to war, the abundant pasture turned to blood, the beautiful youths brought to tragedy each corresponding to some aspect of Achilles tragedy and fateful the loss (and that he will inflict on Hector).

Jones’ description of The Beast “the great AI god” mirrors this rhetorical effect with each element of the AI acting as a perverse refection of Jones’ Christian trans-humanist vision established elsewhere: instead of life extension technology allowing grandparents and great-grandparents to participate and enrich the lives of their descendants, their stolen data will be used to manipulate and covertly undermine their children and family; instead of humans ascending to the stars, they will recede into the silicon records of a malevolent artifice; instead of claiming their birthrights “as builders of this world and builders of countless more to come”, they will consent to euthanize themselves. Just as Homer contains the tragic separate futures for Achilles upon the divinely engraved image of his shield, so does Jones contain the separate futures of humanity in the satanically encoded “Image of the Beast”.

And once you’ve seen one lavish Jones description or list following the structure of an epic catalogue you start seeing them everywhere. Listen again to to the track Super Heavy Galactic Stuff:

Now tell me that Jones isn’t epically cataloguing *Something*.

7. Features Long Speeches

Now this one actually is rendered outdated by the medium switch, Jones’ medium means his central character (Jones) is always delivering a speech, rendering the classical comparison kinda moot. If there’s some other angle that’s illuminating, then that is left as an exercise for the reader.

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8. Reveals divine intervention in human affairs

... oh boy. So whereas the classical epic poets (Gilgamesh, Homer, Virgil) reveal the the vagaries of the Gods and the cruelty of fate , and the Christian epic poets (Dante and Milton primarily) reveal the unity of Gods plan for humanity, Jones takes things in a unique direction. While Jones is a Christian, his vision of divine intervention could not be more different from that of Dante or Milton. Throughout Dante’s quest in the Inferno God’s divine plan is never in doubt, Dante has all the suffering damned he encounters explained to him, at some points he even takes the opportunity to join in on the torment some cursed souls, and when he gets to the center of the 9th circle and encounters Lucifer he sees that Lucifer, Satan himself, is simply the lowest and most suffering prisoner in the worst prison in the universe. Likewise with Milton, Lucifer’s quest to overthrow the divine kingdom is eternally doomed and God’s plan and influence dominates the metaphysical space.

The gulping humanoids in their tanks, scrabbling at the sides, with human horror in their eyes.

Jones on the other hand, despite his Christian faith, inhabits not a world of constant divine intervention, but satanic intervention. In many respects Jones operates with the genre of Grim Dark similar to Berserk or Warhammer 40,000 with satanic cults, blasphemous rituals, mad and inhuman scientific experiments, inter-dimensional conspiracies, false alien gods, demonic entities and an ultimate conspiracy of aborting planet earth and humanity . Indeed Jones’ persona and brand comes out of the same 80s-90s alt-culture milieu that produced the first grim-dark and its vision of universes ruled by evil Gods and inhuman powers. But whereas mist grim-dark leans Nietzschean, here Jones combines the grim-dark belief in a human struggle against a dark universe with the Christian theology of divine free will. It is significant that the conspiracies is that they must operate as conspiracies, if humanity “turns on”, “becomes human again”, “resists” and “breaks free of the conditioning” then victory is assured.

We are on the verge of the new renaissance. We are on the verge of so much good. We have you! And the minute we reveal them their destruction begins!

Jones is doing a remarkable inversion of the usual Epic Poetic conventions. While he follows the convention of revealing supernatural and metaphysical forces intervening in human life, where Homer and the ancients did so to reveal the insignificance of man and the cruelty of fate, and the Christian poets did so to reveal the totality of god vision, Jones highlights far more massive and overpowering interventions in human experience to forefront the individual human’s quest for truth and virtue as the central metaphysical concern in the universe. This not only follows the convention, it shows an utter mastery of the convention (fittingly given Jones’ expansive knowledge of Christian theology and evident decades long effort in theorizing how it should fit into his vision)

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9. Heroes that embody the values and character of a people, nation or civilization

This one is self explanatory: Jones is the Alpha male, his testosterone levels leave lesser men in shame, his genius is undeniable, and his indomitable will surpasses any other in the grim-dark or epic-poetic genres leaving Achilles rage, Gutzu’s unwillingness to surrender, and the God-Emperor’s (Wh40k not trump) indomitable will, utterly dwarfed in comparison.

But more seriously Jones is the quintessentially American hero: he is unyielding in his defense of the constitution, his admiration for the founding fathers, his love of the American people and America in general, with one of his angriest rants being against an insinuation that he’s a Russian agent (for a man who regularly accuses people of practicing pedophilia and human sacrifice, this is the one time he accused someone of crossing the line). His love of firearms and massive American made guns is well noted

and his profession as a fringe, formerly of talk radio, conspiracy theorist show-host, is a uniquely American archetype embodying how Americans interact with their nations and who they see as the leaders of their culture, the same way the divine kings of the ancient near east in Gilgamesh, or the travelling warrior heroes of Homer, the national founders of Virgil, or the courtiers of Spencer, embody the values of their nation and at the same time move it in one direction or the other.

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10. The decent of a tragic or flawed hero into hell or a underworld

Seriously, need I explain.

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“Ok” I here you say, “So Jones happen to, almost certainly unknowingly, copy the rhetorical tricks of epic poetry. What does it matter? Isn’t he just a snake oil salesman exploiting peoples gullibility with insane conspiracy theories. Anyone could do that. Sure he might happen to use a few tropes from epic poetry, but he isn’t actually creating epic poetry. He’s just a con-man and bullshit artist practicing the easiest profession in the world: manipulating rubes.”

Well that’s where your wrong bucko.

Manipulating rubes is actually one of the most saturated markets in the world, Even just isolating it within the far right conspiracy verse there are thousands of either genuinely delusional or just plain manipulative people pouring countless hours into trying to build that audience (much like any media venture), and lets not even get into all the crystals, flat earths, evil vaccines, self help, free love, and network marketing ideas that are all competing for the Gullible’s precious precious attention.

Furthermore Jones’ monetization of the gullible is notably lacking. If you convince someone of an evil alien conspiracy behind the problems of humanity and you are a scientologist, then you can monetize them into the hundreds of thousands of dollars and extract a ton of free labour out of them, whereas if you convince someone of an evil alien conspiracy behind the problems of humanity and your Jones, you can maybe get them to subscribe to your show and maybe 1% of the time get them to buy some Alpha Brain.

Beyond this there is no retirement plan for notable conspiracy theorists, if your a journalist and you break a big story you get to bank the prestige and translate that into high status positions in journalism or in the academy. Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein haven’t done much of note since watergate and yet any university or newspaper would sell there eyeballs to have them on staff. Now contrast Jones who has only lost prestige over the years to the point where even Youtube, Twitter and Facebook don’t want him. That’s right even memeing gamers, minor journalists harassing each-other, and your annoying Aunt Linda have built up more prestige than Jones.

And finally Jones can’t trademark his ideas. J, K. Rowling comes up with one unfortunately named castle that will teach you magic, and she gets a billion dollar cut out of everything that’s ever done with it, but Jones come up with satanic pedophiliac aliens manipulating the world through the democratic party and gay frogs, and he gets nothing. Anyone can go out and start throwing around Jones ideas and selling his conspiracies pretty much verbatim (lookin at you Q) and all Jones can do is try and out compete them.

So Jones is in a highly competitive environment, has weak monetization opportunities, gains little to negative prestige, and can’t enforce intellectual property meaningfully, and yet Jones has been number one in his field for over 22 years with millions of fans and followers. My theory: that Jones has mastered the tropes of epic poetry and is spinning politically conscious American epic poetry with the advanced use of postmodern elements at the dawn of a new oral tradition, is actually a far less flattering interpretation than the other possibility: Jones is simply the most charismatic person alive who speaks English. And this has precedent the historical Homer travelled, literally begging on the streets, from island to island competing with all the other rhapsodists who would steal elements from each-other with little care given to the guy left in the dust. That the dawn of the internet and the cutthroat competitive environment it created would produce similar figures, and a similar artistic output is not surprising.

Feed the hospitals with their bodies. More blood!

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So why have I produced this?

Why have I poured all this effort and word-count into an anonymous piece praising a guy I don’t know, who peddles conspiracies I don’t believe, and who everybody agrees is awful. Why have i spent the last several thousand words on a love letter to the most despised man in America?

Well because I’ve seen this before.

A few decades ago i saw a weird cultural artifact arise. A weird little thing started reviving all the tropes of the Elizabethan Theatre and classic greek tragedy. Tragic figures gave Soliloquies to the audience as they struggled, and doomed figures placed their all on the line only to see all they’d ever dreamt come to ruin. And these live actors who would dedicate decades to a single character started selling sold out arenas, and then were number one on TV prime time, And they’d use every postmodern trick in the book and even invent a number: They’d have full audience participation, and not so much break the forth walk as stretch it until the audience was engulfed in it. It got to the point where for years one of the surest ways to start a fight in America was to publicly espouse a position on whether or not it was “real”.

I’m talking of course about WWF and its prime time phenomenon *Monday Night Raw*. EmpLemon’s take really captures the magic:

In the modern era nothing has pushed Theatre as far and as successfully, or pioneered so many rhetorical concepts (kayfabe, the heel, the face, ect.). To this day some of the biggest actors in the world have come out of this milieu and even a president, and what did the literary critics, the theorists, the dramatists and the thespians think? They sneered.

One of the greatest expansions of the theatrical forms took the American Empire and then the world by storm and stayed on top for well over a decade with the highest production values and largest audiences ever for a theatrical company, making the director and CoStar (Vince McMahon, the Modern Shakespeare) a multi-billionaire. And everyone who was supposedly an expert in theatre didn’t give a shit.

Because the wrong type of people liked it.

Well guess what. If America and the modern world is going to produce culture that lasts it’s going to be the stuff Americans actually like, Homer rhapsodized in the dirt, Shakespeare’s primary competitor was Bear-Baiting, Early novels were widely considered pornography (lookin at you Moll Flanders) and Dickens was paid by the word.

Alex Jones is the Modern Homer, and quite frankly future academics will learn vastly more from his Oeuvre than they will from all the “contemporary literary fiction” modern academic fall over themselves to praise.

There is a popular meme going around: Alex Jones is Doomguy:

DOOM is of Course a classic of the first person shooter genre, not only for its consistently ground breaking mechanics but for its aesthetics.

The original DOOM combined inspiration from metal such “Alice in Chains”, “Slayer”, “Soundgarden”, “Black Sabbath” and later “Nine inch Nails” as well a stylistic and plot inspiration from sci-fi works such as *Aliens* and *Starship Troopers*, combined them with the then ubiquitous and controversial satanic imagery and created a cultural touch stone that both distilled and altered the course of 90s culture. Moral panics swirled around DOOM and even the Columbine massacre (one of the putative end-dates for the 90s) was at one point blamed on DOOM. And almost 30 years later the modern remake, with millions in resources, one of the best scores ever created for a game, and a Hell of alot of luck managed to recreate that achievement in the late 2010s. And Alex Jones is able to match that aesthetic while improvising on the fly with nothing but his voice and a few ripped shirts. If that isn’t a poetic achievement worthy of the Rhapsodes I don’t know what is.

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In conclusion: The Vision of Alex Jones

Alex Jones has refined America’s Politics, Civic Culture, Science Fiction, Religion, History, Scientific Speculation, Transhumanism, Partisan Politics and Paranoid Delusions into an Aesthetic achievement unlike any we’ve seen before. He’s combined classical Epic Poetic Tropes with post-modern innovations in a satirical parody of American media, while at the same time ably developing his thematic and aesthetic vision of the climactic struggle of American life.

Jones combines this mastery of poetic rhetoric with an able command of Biblical allusion: Jones is the only person who can yell “get ye behind me Satan” with all the force it deserves and none of the snickering. Furthermore Jones is a gifted wordsmith with able command of the english lexicon, creating truly rich visuals and evocative ideas, in a linguistic dance both compelling, unique, and daring. When Jones resolves “We’re not drinking out of your fetid filthy pus-filled cup, your goblet of death” you visualize the Chalice before you; when Jones gives voice to the inhuman demons and aliens who embody his work, “ our protomatrix, the radio, the television, the cellphone, the smartphone, the VR, Facebook, and then we’re impregnated and implanted with that spirit and sucked in forever into their world. Now slaves. servile. Watch your favourite show and live through somebody else. Don’t have children and if you do give them to us...Goood...Goood...Drink the diet coke...now just lay down and drink fluoride...Take these shots and die...Give us the planet....give us the technology.....WORLD PEACE.....” a unique and inhuman vision comes out akin to the horrific visions of Shakespeare’s Weird Sisters or Harlan Ellison’s AM; and when Jones partakes in metaphor, “You just better keep doing that dance because you can feel that flame of rebellion starting to lap and lick right up there. Ahhhhhh!!! That’s a nasty taste coming up in my mouth I can just taste those globalists. Swear to god! I taste Metal. I taste blood. I can taste their fear and their weakness.” He fully embodies the metaphor allowing a flow of conscience that is at once organic and utterly unique.

The Name of Alex Jones’ show is InfoWars, and his vision of an existential covert conflict for control of America’s Information, History and Culture is one all American’s can relate to, even if they disagree on every specific. In the post cold war decades of the late American Empire everyone is a conspiracy theorist: The CIA killed JFK, Bush did 9/11, the media lied about weapons of mass destruction, the gulf of Tonkin was a lie, Regan traded arms for Hostages, the CIA smuggled coke, Peter Thiel brought down Gawker, Tupac is Alive, Jeffery Epstein was murdered, The Democratic Primary was rigged, Russia hacked the election, Trump is a foreign agent, Obama was born in Kenya, the Clintons kill, the federal reserve is a private entity, the illuminati run the world, the Cathedral is our state church, the family controls the Republicans, the Peadophiles control the Democrats, the feminists control the culture, the Nazis are taking over, the Queen is a lizard, area 51 has aliens, Disney has nukes, the Burger King was in the iron mask, Happymeals are made of people, Venison is Bambi’s mother, Elon Musk is Bobby Fisher, Ted Cruz was the Zodiac, cops lie, TV journalists don’t journal, babies come from fucking, maple syrup is run by cartels, Marijuana treats cancer, Kubrick faked the moon landing, Eyes Wide Shut was a prequel to The Shining, JarJar was Darth Plagueis, Jesus was a Jew, autism causes vaccines, vaccines cause vasectomies, Saudi Arabia is our friend, Nick Sandman did nothing wrong, Gavin McInnes founded Vice.

We all believe in some of them and some might even be true. Is it not fitting that our greatest poet reflects our paranoia, and our dream for answers?

Ladies and Gentlemen of the committee, for your consideration, for unique contributions to the oral tradition and American culture, for his development of the epic poetic tradition and postmodern rhetoric, for his insights into politics, media, and the human condition (as well as the the alien and demonic conditions), for unique contributions to the fields of culture, literature and poetry... Ladies and Gentlemen of the Nobel committee i would like to nominate...

We are living in a science fiction movie on a planet in deep space ~Alex Jones

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